Not much to blog about

I have been spending most of my online time reading about what to expect from my upcoming hyst. I am so scared but at the same time I am looking forward to being pain free. I am having a hard time coming to terms with this. I had an ovarian cyst back in 1999 after taking a steroid injection due to severe internal and external poison ivy. I literally had it head to toe. After that I had no problems, everything was normal. I conceived my first child accidentally, but was happy about it after the shock settled. When Aden was 2 we decided to start trying for number 2. I assumed it would be right away since Aden happened so unexpectedly and quickly. Months went on and on and I was not getting pregnant. Finally I got pregnant only for it to be a chemical pregnancy. I was told to wait a few months but of course I did not listen. As soon as I got home from vacation, during which it was confirmed a nonviable pregnancy, I attacked my husband and Voila! I was pregnant. It took 10 months and a lot of trying. After Cohen was born my periods were fine and no problems. This past summer I went to OH for a week and came back with a puffy lower abdomen and some unexplained weight gain. Soon after I was in pain, all the time. I went to the doctor who confirmed a 6 cm cyst on my ovary. I had surgery to remove that and do some other things like tie my tubes. Endometriosis was found, unbeknown to be. Soon after the surgery I was in pain again. I went to my surgeon again who swore there was no way I could be in pain from a cyst again, even though one showed on the ultrasound that was performed 20 minutes before hand. I consulted another Gyn who had treated me while I was pregnant and she began me on Lupron, which was hellacious in itself. So now with that option a failure as well I am left with very few actions. I can live with the pain or I can have a hysterectomy. At 30. I have been in pain for about 5 months now and cannot handle much more. I feel like I have not had enough time to prepare for this. Then again how can you? Does have years to adjust to this make it any easier? I have 1 month and 2 weeks until my surgery and it feels like a lifetime away. I know it will be here sooner than I realize and that scares me as well. Sometimes I just want to cancel the whole thing. Perhaps I can live with the pain? I don't think I can but the unknown is what scares me the most. I am thankful more than I can explain that I have my kids and that I was already at peace that I was done having kids. Unfortunately there are many women out there who are facing this without having had children already. I am so greatful but scared nonetheless. I have never had surgery with the exception of my c-section with my youngest and now I will have had 2 surgeries in less than 6 months. On the bright side I am hoping my uterus, cervix, ovaries, and tubes weigh at least 10 pounds.